MCP's

< ND/TCOYF/MCP Wording & Ideas 02.27.06

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Day 41 of 100:
I'm so scared, I cannot be nice about it.

Getting along with bitchy people.
It can be easy to communicate with friendly, and don't-rock-the-boat people. They are either actively trying to impress you / get you to like them, that they don't count.
I want to write articles for a newsletter or radio or tv station.
a big one, tho. If I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it big.
" If you've got to think, you might as well think BIG!"
- Donald Trump
Wanna see if you're emotionally intelligent, and skilled in the areas of
Rookie stuff
Out-of-control Feelings. Unprompted outbursts, or intense crying spells.
(actually, this isn't even Rookie, it's more dumb-shit. We don't have room, or time, for those who insist on being totally, completely Clueless about how they act, and how their actions effect others. Get a clue. If you've got one, great, spread the word... but if not, dude, please, Get one!
Epiphany
when I'm "right on", I get shivers, or more Tightness, and power surges, that grit my teach, intensify my whole upper body, clench my lips and jaw, and raise me an inch or two up off the seat with clinched butt muscles. it's very cool. I think I need to live there (here) more often. I believe it is a VERY clear indicator that I am on the right path.
How do you KNOW, fer sure, that you are on the right paths in your life? Know how I can tell? They FEEL Right. I can add some Logic to it, but I don't have to add much… 'cause it just FEELs so Right, or so Wrong, that I know.

It's ok to Fail, in small increments, but it is NOT Ok to Fail the BIG Game of Life.
It's not Ok to hurt people you love, under the guise of Being Honest.
It's not Ok to blast the wrong person.
It's not Ok to use people, without agreement.
It's not Ok to throw your feelings around, unconscious and uncaring where they may land.
It's not Ok to judge others... well, I take that back. It IS Ok to judge Behaviours -- of yourself or others! just try to give the person behind the stupid behaviours a break for being clueless and ignorant (and that includes yourself). We still have to function in Reality... there are many, many stupid, clueless, arrogant, know-it-all schmoes out there who choose NOT to see how their actions impact other people. As loving codependents, we forgive, a lot, maybe too much, in the name of Love and continuity. but we do trudge on.
It's not Ok to be an ass, even if you're married. (especially!)
It's not Ok to be a bitch, even if you're married.
It's not Ok to put you being Right, over you being Close. Closeness is the key... go for Closeness, and the rest will all fall into line.
It's not Ok to end our lives GRUMPIER than we are now.
It's not Ok to live our lives alone, without any real Love.
It's not Ok to live our lives for the wrong reasons.
It's not Ok to do things that are not Ok. Now THAT's Personal Power, and THAT's taking control… if you WILL NOT ALLOW yourself to do things that are Wrong to you, you will ALWAYS FEEL FREE, and Righteous, and Whole. (no fair lying to yourself, or being consciously incompetent very long… 'cause deep down, you know. you know who you are. you know your own covers. you know how to talk yourself into stuff. you know how to manipulate yourself. you know how to quickly, and masterfully, Justify whatever it is you're just getting ready to do. deep down, you know you. sometimes really deep… but still not unreachable.
Couples: don't go for being Right. or Smarter. or Wiser. or Righter.
go for Closeness, and Intimacy, and Togetherness.
at work we teach teams to:
Commit to a Goal, for the purpose of Closeness.
and it works at home, too
Commit to a Relationship, for the purpose of Closeness.
Active, knowingly, eyes-(and-heart)-wide-open, ready to Be Real, do the best you can to share yourself, your fears, your angers, your joys and your tears, with your significant other. A commitment to Bond, totally, from head to toe and back again. to the depths of your being, that you choose this person to Trust, as completely as you possibly can (but intelligently, too).
Teaching Teamwork to Couples!
We need to be able to Translate anger and bitchiness into fear, habit and powerlessness, self-preservation.
try it.
what's your biggest gripe about your mate?
we are gonna choose one big Issue to work on here at class.
but the point is to Teach you how to Fight.
how to do an argument.
how to
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I have been teaching people how to Take Control of their Feelings & Emotions for almost 20 years now, and I can tell you, IT WORKS! Want to heal your past? You've gotta Feel it to Heal it. Want a happier, more successful future? Your Feelings are the key. Please learn what you can about your Feelings & Emotions and they will SET YOU FREE!
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start a conversation with people

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I want you to work on one thing, and one thing only.
A Business Plan for 2GetHelp.com,
People Helping People. Together, everyone wins!

Membership site, coaching site, 24x7 Emergency Help site.
first year of income.
cover my salary and yours.
sell memberships
sell coaching services to providers
distribute your Newsletter for them… will help format it, create it, send it.
2GiveHelp.com
$$ for development
same plan as before, but done right.
animated character, Grizzybel, as host.
hire a professional designer… Corinne, from Romania

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I submitted a plan, like Jerry McGuire did, to change things. to make it different. to all work together. To about 400 coaches, not long after coach t’s death.
15 requested my whitepaper. 5 coaches contacted me directly, and I spoke with each by phone. I started joint writing projects with 2 of them, which both fizzled out, but that's pretty darned good, I think!

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Kristen,
yes, I will pay you $250 for March, if you will help me do just that.
Oh, and continue updating 100Tips once a week, and 100Quotes, up to 100 (no rush).

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hey, I'm in a wierd place right now.
kinda stuck between here and there.

ok, so now we have some things started.
I gotta do that article.

I lost my biggest client the other day. well, the job I was doing was officially Done (and successfully, and on time, I might add).

I need a page for Testimonials!!
I'll be collecting them the rest of my life.

An .ASP, customized per subject (below), 1 page, 1 table

if you liked something I did for you, or you learned something from me, let me know, please.
My #1 Love Language is about Words {both hearing and reading), so I feel Loved by anything kind you'd like to say to me, or about me.

http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com/testimonials.asp
http://www.MattPerelstein.com/testimonials.asp
http://www.2GetHelp.com/testimonials.asp
http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com/testimonials.asp

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List Debts

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I need some cash to settle some my debts.
I need like $50K, to get it all settled. Finish the garage and pay off the FTB, and ShowPlace Homes, and the credit cards.
If I could relax about that, I am going to make a killing.
I have over 2,000 on my mailing lists now. this is my following.
over 30,000 people have read my blog site.

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2.26.06
I have a new hero as of today… Hunter "Patch" Adams, M.D.
Free Clinic in West Virginia.
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I want the services to be Free (or as low a cost as we can possibly do.)

I want corporate, personal, foundation or some kinda sponsorship, but the product is basically Free.
everybody helps. community organizations.
not 'case workers', just helpful ears, ready to listen, hear, hug, validate, LC&C

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what do you DO with your Feelings? and your Emotions?
where do they go?
What makes them go away?
How do I CHANGE them from angry to glad, sadness to joy and depression into Personal Power?!?

Do you think you'll figure that out on your own? I hope so.
but if you need help, or want to be Shown, then join us.
you could re-invent the wheel.

I'll tell you what… I am just a little bit ahead of you. that that little bit is HUGE.
I don't know everything, and I don't totally have ALL my shit together yet. … maybe I never will, I don't know.
and I don't care to know.

'cause LIFE is what Happenin'! It's not about know ALL the answers… it's about ENJOYING THE JOURNEY!!

we are ALL going to have to deal with our Feelings, sooner or later. (actually 24x7, 365, since we were old enuf to be aware of ourselves… and they've been unconsciously Forming, and molding, and growing since then -- and getting stopped up, and unexpressed, and pent up, and ignored, and denied.)

WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH OUR FEELINGS!!!

There ain't no 2 ways about it.

WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH OUR FEELINGS!!

I am a feelings coach.
I help people make their lives LOOK, and more importantly FEEL, GREAT!

I can help you feel More, and I can help you feel Better.

people come to me when they're down and they're hurting.
I help them through the Feelings.
I teach them about their Feelings, how they started, how to manage 'em, what to Do with 'em, on a daily basis.
I give them some basic concepts, attitudes, beliefs and direction to help it all make sense -- to eliminate the Mystery of it all.

and people Feel Better.
and people Feel More.
and people Allow their Feelings more.
and people Understand themselves and their lives, more.
and people Can Make Themselves do things they don't want to do.
and people can CREATE SUCCESS in their lives, their families and their relationships
and people can ENJOY their lives to the fullest extent possible along the way!!

damn, what more do you want?

"that's good stuff right there, I don't care who you are, that's good stuff."

anyway, you owe it yourself to check out what we're trying to Teach you.
it doesn't cost anything.
there is no hidden agenda here.
we're trying to share with you what we've learned along the way.
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We help people feel better about themselves and their lives.
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Here's how I see it working:

JOY
jesus
others
yourself

NOPE -- doesn't work that way. (actually, it works just dandy that way, for many thousands and millions of people who believe strongly in their Religion. if it's working for you, please continue).

The ND Power Prayer

God, grant me the Strength to
Keep doing the stuff that's working for me
to Stop doing what's not working
and the Awareness to know the difference.

Priorities
Jesus
Self
Others

1 Make sure I feel Loved
2 Make sure I'm safe, and Protected
3
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I suggest we make it even bigger. Not just a drawing, but a Contest. bring your issues to the table come interview with Doc, and you guys start working on stuff, together. you lead, winner follows. We're on the Radio! damn, I hope it keeps continuing. will announce it again next week. Extreme Emotional Makeover winner on the show, on the phone therapy and coaching working together. wanna learn it ALL in one place, we provide Therapy and Life Coaching TOGETHER. Doc, the therapist, will open your eyes (sometimes it ain't good news) to exactly what's going on with you (but it will be true). and
Matt, the coach, will take you by the hand (and kick your butt, when necessary) to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN in your life (what's standing in your way? Let's get Past it!) is it Emotional baggage from the past, or Limiting belief systems where you don't believe in yourself, or are you in a horrible working or living environment, or some other issue? GOOD NEWS: It doesn't really matter what the pain is About, or what the Belief is, or what Environment you've got yourself in, THERE IS A WAY OUT. Help is On the Way. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE, Any more!!
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I need to develop the program, the environment, to accentuate intensive positive emotional growth. --- direction: help the winner figure out what they will work on at ND. prep 'em, and point them, and show them then go to ND
blast it out
then followup with multiple groups... one-on-one therapy and/or coaching, online and in-person support group.
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When dealing with resistance you must be an effective listener, using behaviours that don’t come across as being defensive.
The right thing to say in this circumstance would be:
1.) Let the resistor vent:
Paraphrase back what you heard (“What I think I’m hearing is that …”
Ask questions to get more clarity ("Tell me why you feel this way?" "What happened last time?" "What are all of the things that are making you resist?")
Be empathetic (“I’ve experienced this too, it’s very frustrating.”
Stay neutral as much as possible (pay attention to your body language and tone as they are the most critical indicators of one’s attitude or bias)
2.) Help the person who’s resisting move to a solution.
Ask: “What would make you a willing participant this time? Under what circumstances or with what assurances will you consider taking up this challenge?"
Notice how the right way of facilitating through resistance involves using the ‘ask’ instead of the ‘tell.’

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imho, one of<strong> THE most healing things </strong>you can do for yourself, AND the <strong>#1 best thing you can do for your Future,</strong> is to get in touch with your <strong>Personal Power</strong>.

<em>"Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about
what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash."</em>
< em>- Harriet Rubin</em>

That quote is true for business Power... what you can Control OUTSIDE of you... but Personal Power, <strong>that's about what you can control, and unleash, INSIDE of you</strong>. I'm talking about changing the INside, so that you can do what you can to change/fix/improve the Outside.

<strong>"I Have Personal Power!"</strong> is one of the strongest statements a person can make.

<em><strong>Good news: </strong></em> The more you find, the more there is. The more we delve into ourselves, our spirit, our psyche, our emotions, our unconscious Beliefs... we find MORE, not less. We find MORE Joy, <strong>MORE Love</strong>, MORE Peace! Yes, it's intermixed with the pain, anger and sorrow, for now, but those can be relieved to make even MORE room for MORE Love.

Get on it.
< em>- Matt</em>
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busting out of emotional barriers, limits
a feeling, once felt to it's extremes, will never
a mind, once expanded by an original idea, never retains it's original shape
a heart, once expanded by full expression of Feelings, will never retain it's original limits.

Once you

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for personal calls, turn away from the computer.
for sales calls, stand up.

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I feel like..., or I feel that... are probably not Feeling sentences... they're probably Thoughts or Judgments.
esp I feel like __'in you!
music already has the words and the feeling and the music pre-connected for me, so I don't have to take care of that.
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Radio, live call-in show, 90% sure
one sponsor so far. Bilstens, Insurance
when we come to fresno, go on show with me.
Fridays 1-2PM
on for sure. hopefully every Friday.

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Great idea: Spalding teams with NBA All-Star Game to try to break 4 b-ball Guinness world records -- very smart!
http://www.nba.com/allstar2006/guinness_060215.html?rss=true
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I believe our 'personal events' fire in this order...
Thought -> Feeling -> Meaning -> Attitude -> Decision -> Behaviour -> Outcome

As a computer programmer, much of programming is about having things Happen at the right time, in the right order, and on the right subject. We have what are called "Events" that happen at different times... like when a report opens, or whan a mouse is clicked... these are Events.
I just realized that we also have what I'll call Personal Events.. that fire off at certain times and underlie our happiness and behaviours.
I believe our 'personal events' fire in this order...
Thought or Event -> Meaning ->Feeling -> Attitude -> Decision -> Behaviour -> Outcome
Event happens: someone laughs.
we have a Thought "hey, they're laughting at me."
we put a Meaning on it "I am different and weird and I don't fit in."
we have Feelings about those Thoughts: unfair, powerless, anger, fear, sadness, alone
we have an Attitude about the feelings: not good, paranoid thoughts, better to stay safe
etc.
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We can help you feel better about the event (less pain, more understanding)
and then we can help you feel more

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Boundaries are not about Drama.
Drama is actually DIS-respected, and easily DIScounted.

Powerful use of voice, energy, body language, feelings, eyes, THAT's what's Respected.
You don't show them all you've got, until it's time.
but you let them know it's NOTHING to mess with.

If you live an emotionally unsafe environment, stay cool. stay closed where you need to.
and don't show them all you've got… except once in a while.
You if you yell or scream or do the Disgust thing all the time, 24x7, you have no weapons left…they already see your worst, have learned to deal with it, hate it, disrespect it, and thereby allow themselves to Ignore it.
Drama is easily brush-off-able, especially over time.

good clean honest, personally-responsible, coming-from-I, powerful, love-based/boundary-based LOUD, POWERFUL VOICE is fine, if that's what it takes.

Let 'em know who they're messing with. Once in a while, let 'em know you will NOT be messed with. ever again.

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I'm developing my written personality, my on-stage presence and personality and teaching styles, and next is my audio, or on-air personality and style.
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I wonder why Darrell wasn't available all of a sudden, and why 3-4 people didn't show up for class this time.
does it mean I'm doing something 'wrong'?
or does it just mean that it's not Time, yet? to slow down. to wait. to see. to grow. to grow up more.
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we're going to have an active Affiliate program where all can make money by selling our products.
we'll make it a simple, common-sense, multi-level marketing thing.
all MLM means is a Commission structure. If A gets an override on B's sales, that's nothing fancy. build Team and everyone wins!
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when someone's really hurtin' we need to have some steps that we can take them thru… now… to relieve some of the strong feelings…
or at the very least, figure out what the current issues and feelings are, and what childhood events and feelings these are being triggered by.

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wow. I just read this article and realized that I live with very high levels of Fear. and I "run adrenaline" quite often… probably to addictive levels.
damn.

read this:
http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2005/4/13/578458.html GREAT article on Fear!
explains how we live on Adrenaline.
Too much fear CAN kill us.
Adrenaline can also kill us.
Our body can easily manufacture enough Adrenaline to kill us.

but Adrenaline is "additive" rather than addictive. the more you get, the more you can stand.
as a Power drug, it can make you feel brave, strong and unstoppable.

so, my take on it…
- use it wisely… but do use it.
- push yourself. INCREASE your ability to both stand, and manufacture this important WEAPON in your arsenal.
GIRLS, you especially!
us guys use Adrenaline as a drug of choice more readily.

Oh… so that must be one of the reasons why Sports are so good for you… your body FIRES UP to a point, just short of death, and the more often and more completely it does so, the MORE YOU CAN STAND, so the Better your Best can be. wow. that's too cool. I'm sure many sports folks have known this for years, but I just learned it. whoa.
THAT means I get to push people even harder than I do. I can, and do, push myself to great feats… so can you.

the article also said they studied soldiers and how their prolonged exposure to high levels of Fear, actually Trained their bodies to be able to stand more and more adrenaline, and to produce more and more. They said this made the longer-term soldiers waaay more valuable, sometimes called "bizerkers" (which is a good thing while fighting a war).

soooo, what if we trained people to Push themselves, emotionally, not with Fear and Scaring people to death (which actually works), but what if we were able to substitude Emotional challenges, and exercises designed to increase our level of Adrenaline manufacture.
competitive sports is the best way I know of (I play racquetball, head-to-head, 2-3x / week… and it's my #1 favorite thing I do in my life. Now I see why. I'm an adrenaline junky. same with the all-nighters I do once or twice a week (3's my record, just last week). I only do them when I am scared of not getting my work done and losing my job. I "run the fear", so my body produces the adrenaline and off I go… coding and typing like a mad-man all night long.
it's all fear-based. good grief.
no wonder I have trouble breathing sometimes. I knew I was in fear a lot, but it's just hitting me how much.

well, so now what? (Awareness is a great step, but it's just the first step.) Notice. Identify. Accept. Express. Release. Replace. Rejoice !!

Notice.
Identify.
Accept.
Express.
Release.
Replace.
Rejoice !!

damn.

post this. (and back to work on KPMG and E*TRADE.) 2.9.06 10:08am
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mailto:2GetHelp.com-146532@autocontactor.com 100 Tips in 100 Days AR 1.20.06, Kristen
mailto:2GetHelp.com-150852@autocontactor.com 100 Quotes in 100 Days AR 2.07.06, Kristen
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" My daughter called me this morning and thanked me for loving her enough to get her involved in ND. She said that it let her know just how much I love her."
- Terri. 2.7.06, after re-connecting with her estranged husband (separated 5 mo.), then bring her adult son thru to re-connect and heal with him… now bringing her adult daughter thru to let her BLAST out the anger and hurt and disappointment from a tough childhood so she could have an awesome adulthood, together. Dad (Patrick) shared, at graduation: "You've re-united my family. I can't thank you enough for that." Matt's note: seeing that family work out their past differences was truly inspiring to all!

"I had an opportunity to express my feelings to AJ on Sunday night. Totally at the intensity that I felt them; raw, total, and honest. It was perfect. And as a result, him and I are so much closer..."
- LJ, 28
sometimes I let it be known how much I'm here.
I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
I want them to understand what's Possible.
I will live my life, from this day forward (actually, I have for some time now, but I believe this is PC - poetically correct)
as an Example to others.
to push the limits of what's possible… and come back to report it to you.

the grandgirls were here last night. 2.6.06 (they'll be here all week!)
paula and rachel were not.
I had all 3 of them hanging on me, chasing me, laughing, giggling
at me, at each other, at life.
we watched joke videos on my computer… one on one arm of the chair, one on the other, the 3rd behind.
together. touching. smiling. laughing. loving.
(side note: if you are going to allow yourself to get THAT close to people, especially inocent children, you had better be REAL CLEAR where your sexual boundaries lie. tickling can so easy go too far, so be DAMNED CAREFUL with your hands, and that child's future. You litterally have their future in your hands. Unfortunately, in one moment of touch you cannot heal them from any future pain, but you can sure Cause it.

#1 Deep, life-trashing, relationship-blasting, sex-ruining, self-esteem-bashing, hopeless event = Molestation.
in my 18 years of experience of teaching ND and trying to help people heal their past, there is NO other event bigger that Molest, even the horrors of WAR, that I've seen so profoundly effect people in a negative way. It's astounding to watch women, and some men, but mostly women (and most women), go thru the unbelievable pain, anguish, horror, shock, terror, shame, guilt, and sadness assocaited with their molest. and yes, I said Most women.
bad news: if you've been molested, it IS effecting you negatively… I guarentee it. even if you've worked on it, emotionally, it could be a life-long battle to try to unravel all the ways it's changed you and pushed at you… whether conscious or unconscious, trust me, it's there.
good news: THERE's HOPE! We have healed. And we have watched people heal! Lots of people. Some from horrible, Horrible childhoods (or teenhoods, or adulthoods).
It can be done, and it's a simple process (tho undoubtedly the hardest, most emotionally painful project you will ever complete).

Acknowledge & Identify the Feelings - NOTICE your feelings… they're in there, whether you are conscious of them or not.. they're there. Allow them, listen to them, explore them, understand them, appreciate them… for they are the pure, true, uncensored feelings of a small child, before being burdened and hardened by life.
FEEL the Feelings - Let 'em rip, at the INTENSITY that they are felt. it won't be pretty and it won't be fun… but it's gotta get Done.
Release the Feelings - Let go. Forgive. Release. Resolve. Usually the painful events aren't happenin' anymore so it's time to let them go.
Replace 'em - Once the anger and rage and tears are released, there's a hole there, an empty spot in your heart and your spirit that can be filled with ANYTHING you wish! we usually recommend filling with a COLOR. any color, as much as you want, from your Higher Power. People usually choose a beautiful rich purple, or a solid dark blue, or a bright cheery yellow. Love, Joy, Peace, it's all available to you, once you realize how to create it and where to put it.
Rejoice!! - YEEHAA!!!! This is Fun! This is Life! This is Love! This is Joy! This is the Point of all this.
We do the Pain, in order to Gain.
We go through the Pain, in order to Gain.
We ain't afraid of the Pain, if that's what it takes to Gain.

LJ -- damn.

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for the 2 little ones, they have said that there is no where, anywhere, they would rather be than with grampa.
we go swimming, we watch movies together (really together), we wrestle, we box, we chase each other (well, mostly I chase them, which I've found that most kids just love to do, have someone chase them… it's a cool, validating feeling to have someone try to run and finally the big "got-cha"), we make food and eat together… totally together… as close as I can stand it right now. (they can still get closer than I can… less to consider, cleaner, they're more open and pure than I.)

What we protect, we make weak.
- Doc

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T: what if each of the 100 Tips started with a Quote, and then went on for a bit… sometimes a short bit and sometimes a full-on Rant.
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We are loved every bit as much as we can Stand it.
- mcp

Guilt is Optional. Always.
- mcp

Shame is Optional. Give it back.
- mcp

Guilt and Shame are both Optional.
- mcp

The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference.
- Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT

yeah but Dad, at least I'm consciously incompetent!
- Rachel P, 14

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Tip 16 of 100: Step 1 of 7 - AWARENESS that your Body feels

(04:51 parked in Sacramento, in front of friends' place. Pit stop on the way to ND starting tonight.)

new record: 3 all-nighters in last 4 days!
Sun 3 hours
Mon 0 hours
Tue 7 hours (oh, what a feeling!)
Wed 0 hours
last night, 7 total (nice!) up at 4, no alarm

what's wrong with working your a$$ off for a few days, and then enjoying the aftermath?
what's wrong with creating pressure and some strain in your life, to do the best you can... and just for the purpose of SAVORing when it's done. We want to create Joy, right... here's one way... just create a bunch of Pain for yourself, and then, when you finally Stop, it feels sooo Wonderful. like when you have to pee for a long time, and you hold it, and you hold it, and F - i - n - a - l - l - y, you get to go... aaahhhhhh, oh, it feels sooo fine. that's what I mean.

I can sleep later. I have work to do.
I don't necessarily do what I 'should' do.
but most everything I do is directly or indirectly heading me toward financial freedom from coding.

so we worked for 2 months, hard, to get about $2,500. 15 students... 7 of which are reviewers. great. or is it?
we got a new brochure.
we scheduled a new class... which people are talking 'bout

Kick-butt Workshops
Are you ready to kick butt?
Are you ready to feel better?
Do you have the NERVE to face yourself?

"You can't HANDLE the Truth!"
- Jack Nicholson's part in "A Few Good Men"

is that how you are?
DENYing that you have all these Feelings bottled up insude?
trying to HIDE some/many of your thoughts, feelings & behaviours?
feeling ASHAMEd of yourself, or your body, or your mind?

3 Things about that:
1. Good luck. You can do it. So many people live life like that, it certainly CAN be done. Go for it. I wish you the best, and you might as well quit reading my stuff, 'cause it's gonna irritate you and press a bunch of your buttons (which, I realize of course, that you have NO issues, and never overreact, ever, right?)

2. Good news! All this is about is you not being able to manage your feelings. That's all. Chances are, you're not broken.

The walking wounded.
The unhealthy well.
The painfully plodding.
Suicidal Sally.
Bad-a$$ Bill.
Guilty Gerde.

current issues
plug didn't work
cold
gotta get hold of Robin to pick me up on way to R-ball
gotta get to 7:30 mtg on time
behind in almost everything
time with Darrel... 5:30 or 6pm at courseroom?

bigger current issues
mortgage
daughter got in trouble
rain and water and mud, everywhere
MH problems (50+! :c(
car problem (jumpy, getting worse)
2 dear friends are mad at me

long-standing issues
co-dependence
eat-a-suorus
shame-based

know which one(s) are pushing you at any given time.
very important to know the dif.

standard
when a smiley or sad face is at the end of a line :c )
but it's also the end of a parenthetical remark (!)
then the mouth of the smiley may serve as the close paren.
see "MH problems" above
---
'2.3.06
send Cliff the link to 100DaysAR
send Cyndi links to NDW & TCOYF
Rudy's & Bud-Bud's birthday today.

'2.4.06 06:40
Scott has a cool ability to not need people,
but he also feels that he should be able to speak his mind...
so he does. If you cross him, or don't do what he expects you to do, he can be vicious with his tone and his energy.

it's not time yet
video was postponed
3 people didn't show up for class.
Annette
Josh Hill
Sherri Felix
but then, AJ & LJ did. 15 is not bad, at all.

my dogs are soo loving these days.
Grandkids, too.
PR & PKP are both moving back in that direction.
close assistants and some grads seem to really care for/about me.
...nice.

give, and then give some more.
be About giving.
be nice, and then be nicer.
be About being nice, and caring, and feeling, and acceptance.
why not? do you have something more important to do, then spreading Love around?

Complements that long-time NDers hear:
--------------------------------------
- what a good listener you are.
- you make a great employee... you're one of the few people around here who actually gives a damn!
- I always know where you're coming from... I like that. No games, no guessing, no hidden agendas. You say how you feel, good or bad. That's makes it easy to be around you, and helps me Trust you more.
- You're so easy to talk to.
- Wow, I've never felt this loved in my life!
- Thank you so much. You're my hero.
- dude, you're nuts. how do get all that stuff done?

---
Commitment is a key to life. (sorry guys).
you do NOT have to commit to marriage.
but you DO have to commit to SOMETHING. almost anything, really.

No commitment = it felt life freedom, able to breathe, flap, fly
but I found it more to be floating, lost, flailing, unclear

now, with commitment, it's much CLEARer what to do with my life.
- I'm committed to myself, to be the best I can be and have the coolest life possible while I'm doing it.
- I'm committed to my family. To have the closest relationship I can, and best support the people I love to be happy and healthy as they can be... with or without me.
- I'm committed to my parents, that I will be the very best, most loving son, I can be, as long as they both shall live.
- I'm committed to ND. Both the classes and the concepts. From 18 years ago until the day I die... my life is about showing folks about how to live in their Feelings... the ONLY way to go.
- I'm committed to my Higher Power. I will live my life with pride, and honor, and respect for your power, the power of nature and the power of love you have given us. I will give back, whenever and wherever I can with a conscious understanding and appreciation for it all.
amen.

what I shared last night in opening of ND...
(while tearing up...)
" I've felt a lot of overwhelm lately.
(pause)
I've cried a lot.
(pause)
It works for me."
---
sun 2.5.06, 05:32, last day of class.
get people involved with each other.
tunnel
we let them talk too long Sat. am.
we're not having them connect with each other
we're hurting them by new small teams
we're hurting the assistants with no meetings
we're feeling like we gotta do it ourselves
we're spending more time with our friends than anything
we're randomly blasting people
the only premise going on is Feelings must be released
we didn't come back from dinner last night. why?
power trip
meet with PKP and Christine and Karen at dinner.

be very careful when you spout off what you Know, and it's really just an educated guess on your part... mostly fear-based.

---
Conversational Anger
vs.
Feeling & Healing Anger

---
I'm a self-taught behaviouralist (whatever that is.)
I'm an expert in human behaviour, and the feelings behind the behaviours
no, actually my specialty is the feelings themselves.

Identification, understanding and management of Feelings.

Only competition I know of is Ron Huxley.
write to him... respectfully disagree with his assumptions
have you ever dealt with your anger at your parents and your childhood? If not, then don't come talk to me about that it doesn't work. I've got a few thousand grads who would disagree with you. In fact, I would almost venture to say that it's one of the only things that does work. You may not have to SCREAM or RAGE out all that backed up anger... but then again, you may indeed. I have met some beautifully "healed" people

We are Healed.
We continue to Heal.

where are you, along your path?

1 you, now
past stuff current life future goals

2 you, now
past stuff current life future goals

3 you, now
past stuff current life future goals

4 you, now
past stuff current life future goals

5 you, now
past stuff current life future goals

1 LIFE IS BEATING US
Life is not working. out of control emotions. relationships suck. you're hurtin', you're escapin', you're cutting, you're runnin', you're cryin or depressed, a lot.

2 LIFE IS DRAGGING US DOWN
You're ok, but not great. You've got a job/career, but you don't really like it. You're stressed about money. You're stressed about your relationship. You're not suicidal, but you're sure not yippy skippy happy, either.

3 PERSONAL GROWTH HAPPENS
We get some help. We find out that we have gobs of pain and anger from our past that is VERY MUCH effecting us today. We gain courage and self esteem. Thru the group process, we come to realize that personal connection and managing our Feelings & Emotions really are the keys to living a happy, successful life.

4 LIFE IS GOOD!
Ok, here we go. We've dealt with quite a bit of our past. Our relationships, tho' not perfect, feel pretty darned good most of the time. We don't go around angry or depressed as much as we used to. We get down sometimes and we have issues, but hey, we ain't perfect. We're actively dealing with them, clearing out as much as possible whenever things come up and we're actively seeking out loving, lasting, close personal friends and loves.

5 LIFE IS GREAT!!
We are ROCKin the House. Our career is Wonderful. Our relationships are full of Love and Hope. We are pretty much FREE of our past, unconscious issues. We know where we've been, and we know where we're going. We know what we feel and we feel what we feel, in the moment, (or soon thereafter) and we let go of negatives quickly and gracefully. We get LOTS of hugs, we have many successes. We laugh a lot (and we cry sometimes). Life's still happen', but we have a really good handle on ourselves, our relationships and our outlook on life. Yeehaa!

we have TAKEN CONTROL OF OUR LIVES

---
do you need to cry?
do you have anger you need to release?
are you depressed?
ask your body, and quietly listen to the answer.

---
if you don't believe in God, that means that you think you're smarter than Him... all knowing. yeah, right.
---
you'll see as you grow that specializing isn't a way to go, it's the only way to go. maybe

---
I'm scared about next month
I kinda quit Closets, and KPMG is going to reduce significantly.
have e*trade to finish
CIWMB = 9 hrs
Marin, some
CDF
that's it.
SF job?

so where's your faith?
turns out, we made very little on this class, for a # of reasons
3 didn't show up
1 showed up, but didn't review
1 who did, didn't pay
2 students didn't pay, at all
many were discounted.
I belive only 1 person paid full price.

we are not going to sell this class on paper, or on the web.
we'll have to do it in person.
or at least, with personal intervention.

---
keep going, Barb.
Shannon & Christine couldn't handle your attacks.
John and I could.
I just don't have time, nor the desire to argue with you.
you and my wife seem to have the same irritating philosophy... ignore the positive, make a BIG friggin' deal about any negative. I have to live with that with her, but I don't have to take it from you.

John has offered to continue helping you... go for it.

Good luck in your growth. As Christine said, if you ever want to do some REAL work on yourself, come to ND. We could help you BLAST out that negativism and anger.

Until then, chio. Keep learning and growing.
with my blessings,
- Matt
---
write a short description (blurb) re: ND, like this:
PATHOS COURSE BUILDER
Put your students on computer lessons that you have created--and then take the grade! With very little computer knowledge, you can develop learning modules to assist you in your teaching. Add your own content--text, questions, images, and even audio in the building of units and lessons for lab or classroom stations. Licensed per instructor so you can have as many students at as many stations as possible for one price. Bring multimedia into your classroom in the time it takes to create textbook and paper assignments.
Download the Pathos Course Builder (FREE 30-day trial)
$49.95 Download $54.95 CD-Rom
---
Learn to understand & Enjoy the Wonders inside YOU (free)
http://www.TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com
Feel & Heal with love, care & concern in our emotional support group (free)
http://Groups.msn.com/2GetHelp
Ready to Rock Your World, permanently?!? A weekend of work, a lifetime of rewards. (not so free)
http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com
Need Life Lessons? Get daily tips, instruction and wisdom in your Inbox (also free)
click here to send a blank email to: 2GetHelp.com-146532@autocontactor.com
Write me and let us know what else you need.
- Matt
2.1.06 11:18p sent to R&D, saved as Signature in Outlook
---
Type in the keywords you wanna use. (R,F,E)
then go to the top links that come up… and get your name on their site!
leave a comment.
Answer something.
write an article
contact them and see if you can work together
---
That's interesting, too, that anything that has an Input capability (form, guest book, comment, trackbacks, shopping cart)
will require time to deal with Spam. removal.
---
i just want to tell you something
anger is an emotion <o:p></o:p>
not a terminal illness <o:p></o:p>
when i rage <o:p></o:p>
break things <o:p></o:p>
yell <o:p></o:p>
rant <o:p></o:p>
im angry <o:p></o:p>
i'm not dying <o:p></o:p>
or out of control <o:p></o:p>
i'm not bad <o:p></o:p>
anger liberates <o:p></o:p>
my victim <o:p></o:p>
when i snap back at you <o:p></o:p>
then walk away slamming doors <o:p></o:p>
swear at the cat <o:p></o:p>
bash walls <o:p></o:p>
i am angry <o:p></o:p>
anger is an emotion <o:p></o:p>
not a terminal illness <o:p></o:p>
don't tell me to calm down <o:p></o:p>
don't stifle me <o:p></o:p>
let go of my arm <o:p></o:p>
i want to rage <o:p></o:p>
my rage is fuelled by <o:p></o:p>
hate <o:p></o:p>
it's best i rant <o:p></o:p>
tear up books <o:p></o:p>
throw plates <o:p></o:p>
if i am to heal <o:p></o:p>
my anger needs a home <o:p></o:p>
a place to be unbridled <o:p></o:p>
not judged <o:p></o:p>
anger is an emotion <o:p></o:p>
not a terminal illness <o:p></o:p>
when you see my anger <o:p></o:p>
and push it away <o:p></o:p>
in disgust <o:p></o:p>
it keeps me stuck <o:p></o:p>
my anger is a moment <o:p></o:p>
it rages <o:p></o:p>
then passes <o:p></o:p>
allowing calm room to breathe <o:p></o:p>
i love you <o:p></o:p>
my anger is the past <o:p></o:p>
comming back to be <o:p></o:p>
honoured <o:p></o:p>
if i let it live <o:p></o:p>
mess the house up <o:p></o:p>
maybe even our lives <o:p></o:p>
we can rest <o:p></o:p>
knowing we saw angers <o:p></o:p>
truth <o:p></o:p>
felt her wrath <o:p></o:p>
and honoured her pain <o:p></o:p>
anger is an emotion <o:p></o:p>
not a terminal illness<o:p></o:p>

isabella

---
On Success:
" If you have an open heart, you can articulate life. If you have a closed heart, you can only get good at one thing, like a PhD, and that's all you do. You suck at everything else.
I think that if you stay open and have a flexible mind, you can learn from Buddist monks, or whatever. Especially if you're trying to Complement… key word, Complement."
- Carlos Santana, interviewed on "Supernatural"
---
- Matt
Take a weekend to harness your Heart: New Directions Workshops
Learn about the wonder of YOU: Taking Control of Your Feelings & Emotions Blog
Get the smiles and emotional support you need: 2GetHelp on MSN
I’ll teach you how -- free Life lessons in your Inbox: “100 Emotional Tips in 100 Days” send a blank email
-----
- Matt Perelstein
(916) 599-8597
mailto:matt@2gethelp.com
http://www.MattPerelstein.com
- MCP
Founder & Instructor/Coach at the life-changing: New Directions Workshops
Author of the emotional teachings blog: Taking Control of Your Feelings & Emotions
Moderator of an online group for loving support: 2GetHelp on MSN
Offering powerful daily life lessons in your Inbox: "100 Emotional Tips in 100 Days" send a blank email
1.29.06
---
Jane Smith, President
Smith I.T. Consulting
'Take a Byte Out of Network Headaches'
ph: 800-321-0000 fax: 212-321-0001
jane@smithitconsulting.com
*Visit http://www.smithitconsulting.com and get your FREE report on the top 10 most common computer network problems and how to solve them!*
---
we've been accused of "Brain Washing"
I say YES, we definitely do that!
it feels like you take a rag, put it in one ear, through the center of your head and out the other ear
and pull back and forth.
you feel refreshed.
you feel cleaner.
you feel brighter.
you feel like some of the cobwebs have been removed.
some of the old mustiness and darkness is now lighter and airier and you can breathe a little easier.
we've been called a "Cult", too.
right again.
if a cult is a group of people who have a like goal, values and attitudes toward a common belief, then we are certainly Guilty of that.
NDers believe that they come first.
NDers believe that Love is grand.
NDers believe that the Connection with the person is more important than our differences and judgements.
NDers believe that we can be nice. and keep being nice. until it's time to not be nice.
NDers believe we are 100% totally, completely Responsible for how we choose to live our lives from this day forward.
NDers believe that the Lord is there to help us.
NDers believe that if you end up when we're old being grumpy, and resentful, and bitter, than we missed the point of life.
NDers believe that our kids are a miracle that we must treasure, and nurture, and teach better than our parents did.
NDers believe that we are never done learning and growing and changing... and that's ok.
NDers believe that feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing. In fact, Feelings are THE thing! The most important thing in life.
---
Jan. 23, 2006

Kobe Scores 81! interesting reactions, due to his nasty court case last year.
he also is getting famous for flagrant fouls… he's pissed.
http://www.nba.com/news/Kobe_reaction.html
---
The 5 Love Languages

Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

(note: if you're angry at someone, just make it so NONE of these work!)
---
you care for her more than she does
you care for her more than yourself.
---
Mom, sitting there.
what do you want to tell her?
---
Neener, neener.
---
conscious workaholic
justifyable suicide.
---
fear based
or
love based

are you gonna live your life based on Fear,
or
are you gonna live your life based on Love.
---
instant intimacy
love quickly, and completely
---
5 P's of Parenting

Be Patient.
The frustration will pass but this will be your child for the rest of your life.

Be the Parent.
Your child will find and develop friends. But he or she desperately needs a parent.

Be Practical.
Your expectations and demands should challenge but not exceed your child's ability.

Be Positive.
Your child will strive to fulfill your words, good or bad.

Be Protective.
Your child needs a safe haven in troubled world; let it be you.
http://www.keystosaferschools.com/E-News/jan06.htm#8
---
Mobloggin' 1.26.06
mailto:remote@typepad.com
or anyone can send to:
mailto:90a1a05e83094aac@typepad.com

---
Know how I know that I will Succeed? I DON'T GIVE UP. I take breaks, and I breathe, but I don't stop.
there are a lot of successful people in the world, so it can't be That hard.
a lot of them are smarter than I am… but some are not.
it can be done, and I can figure out how to do it too, as long as I don't give up.

EQ is a tough sell.

Ok, I hope by now you are getting the point that I am selling Feelings.
I am not selling me, I am selling YOU.

I believe that there is probably more to YOU than you know.
Know why? Because I'm willing to BET that there are places inside your Heart.
way deep in your Feelings.
the 'real' life lessons you have learned.
the incredible joys and sorrows in your life.
the major turning points, and breaking points, that you experienced.
the pains, the anger, the fears
and the joys, the laughter, and the love.

it's all bottled up, way down inside you.
you may even get a glimpse of it, every once in a while. a Teaser, perhaps.
that shows you what it Could be like.
what you're REALLY made of.
where your heart truly lies.

sometimes, I can see MORE of a person than they can.
sometimes, I know how much you COULD feel, and how much you are Allowing your Feelings, and the difference makes me sad. very sad.
sometimes, I see pain (kinda like "I see dead people" -- I know you know what movie that's from.)
I do.
and even more often, I see Anger.

Us Americans are an ANGRY lot.
we have plenty to be Angry about. (good clean critical Anger, not sarcasm, judgements or put-downs.)

how does our body Disagree with other bodies?
what makes us unique, and different, and real, and counted?
what is it that tells us whats Really ok with us, and what is not?

it's our Anger.

all feelings have a Purpose, right?
Fear is for warning.
Sad is for letting go.
Depression is for overwhelm.
Love is for life.
Peace is for sanity.
Joy is for motivation.

(posted day 29 of 100: 2.14.06)
and Anger is for telling us WHO we you are and WHAT is important to us.

If you don't know, appreciate and learn to LIKE your anger, you are denying a HUGE piece of who you are and what you're about.

How can you have Self-Esteem without Anger?
How can you stand out from the rest?
How can you NOT get sucked along by the crowds?
How can you Achieve?
How can you Push Yourself?
How can you make yourself do things you don't want to do?

If we’re motivated, in some way, in any way, there's some Anger there.

Anger is a Wonderful TOOL to help us.
it fires us up.
it keeps us warm.
it keeps us doing what we don't want to do.
it protects us.
it directs us.
it pushes the bad away,
and fights for the good.
it knows that we matter.
and is the force that keeps that fact secure.
it's our way of letting the world know that We Exist.

I'm not saying we're Only motivated by Anger… there are certainly other feelings we strive for.

Motivation = Desire to Feel a certain Feeling sometime in the Future.
- mcp
---
Guilt is about the Past
Shame is in the Present
Fear is about the Future
---
whoa… I know about feelings.
I KNOW about feelings.
'cause I know MY feelings.
and I've helped many others with THEIR feelings.

and I've studied feelings.
and I've written over 400 posts ABOUT feelings.
I live feelings
and I breathe feelings. (well, that's physically true, but also kinda dramatic, but you get the point. :c )

what I do first we find out What you're feeling
ask good, probing feeling questions,
and then I SUAL (shut-up and listen) intently to the answers.
watch for body language
listen to their tone of voice
watch their eyes, especially
notice how their message makes you feel
be aware of their energy
we willing to open your heart and feel right with them
be quiet
make eye-contact
stay focused on them, and their needs (yes, you can put your needs aside for a few minutes… it's ok)
try to create raport with them, by matching their energy, tone and feeling
let them know that they are safe -- and make sure YOU are safe to them, emotionally. (are you?)
be strong, for them.
be there, for them.
be one, for them.
turn up your caring, for them.
turn up your love, for them.
open up your heart, for them.
you will feel Wonderful doing it all!

side note: you know what i have to be very, very good at ? Being WRONG.
yep. I have to be willing to BE WRONG, over and over again.
make it Ok with me. ultimate non-ego.
let me explain…

when trying to help people find their core of their 'real anger', we often go down the wrong paths with people.
it's ok. we're guessing. we're shopping

---
Shopping Your Feelings
like to shop? most do. as long as you can buy.
so let's go Shopping for Feelings.
which ones will you Buy?
which ones Fit you, and you wanna take them home and put them in your emotional bank account, for a later withdrawal.
which ones will keep near and dear to your heart?

I choose Love.

I get to choose what I put / allow / encourage / manufacture in my heart.

so I choose Love.

period.

whenever there's non-love in there, I DISGARD it, like an old pair of tennies.
I choose not to feel afraid of very many things.
I choose not to get angry at other people much.
I choose not to get my feelings hurt very long.

When I come across a Joy, or a Silly, or a Happy Thought, I BUY THOSE!
everytime.
I'm a sucker for a Joke, or a tickle, or a dance. I'll buy those everytime.

Keep you want, disgard the rest. Total cost of shopping trip = $0.00

enjoy.

---

side note: ok, here he goes again on that Anger jag.
dude, let's say you're THERE, totally There for someone like I just described.
and let's say you actually do that quite a bit, 'cause you're a kind, loving, caring person.
and let's say that one person you are loving, and caring for, starts Trashing you.
they're angry at you for some reason, conscious or un-, you get bitterness and harshness in return.
what do you do?

Well, you are At Choice here (as with most things in your life).
a. Do nothing. as I said, you are a kind, loving person, and they don't 'mean' to hurt so it's ok.
I don't want to rock the boat… I might hurt their feelings.
I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and try to muddle through as best I can.

b. Go away. Get pissed, close up and quit. take your ball and go home.
You were being nice, and they hurt you, and that's it. you're outta here. "ungrateful bastards"

c. Teach them how to be with you. Let them know how their behaviour is making you feel.
stand your ground. talk to them. ask them if they really Mean to hurt my feelings.
if they do (Doc says 20-30% of the time, people actually MEANT to hurt your feelings.), then you may close up.
and, you can close up, without going away.
and you can keep on loving, and not let it hurt you anymore,
you can try to understand that their way is their way and they don't mean to hurt you the don't take it as such.

Here's the key: Who Wins?
a. Both in the short run, but Neither in the long run.
you are being beaten down and discouraged (but you may also be proving yourself Right about how hard and mean the world can be, which, unconsciously is getting you BIG points)
they may be winning in the short run, having someone to talk to, and dump on… but in the long run, do they really have an equal, loving relationship with you, while you are protecting yourself from being hurt or abused? not really.

b. Maybe you. If it really is better to cut your loses and split, then off you go. Have the courage to dis-associate yourself from people who are detriment to your emotional and/or physical health (Hint: imho, it doesn't matter if they're "family" or not. Sometimes our blood relatives are the WORST people in our lives. as personally responsible adults, we do NOT have to be around people who are horrible to us or for us. ever.)

c. EVERYBODY WINS!
you gain courage, self-esteem and self-pride.
they learn, they get to have a Real partner
you feel validated and strong
they feel loved and cared for
everybody wins!

so, what's the difference between choices a, b, & c above?
a. You are NOT in touch with your anger. You can't hold up your boundaries, 'cause you can't get up the Courage to face what's scaring you.
it's an abandonment / significance thing.

b. Maybe you couldn't handle your anger, so you split.
maybe your anger Helped you split.
only you know which is real.

c. You can use your anger to Get Their Attention! and then back off it and go back to loving, and teaching, and listening.
"THAT BEHAVIOUR IS NOT OK WITH ME!" can be said in a powerful, sure, even Angry place ...
but without trashing, belittling or even disconnecting from the other person.
"Judge the Behaviour, not the Person."
"I love you. and I hate what you did."

1.26.06 0:00 - 02:00

---
Dave Buck says:
A coach is a knowledgeable independent observer who gives feedback, teaches skills, expands awareness and provides any support needed to improve player performance.
The coach has 3 basic options:
1) CHALLENGE: "Look, it's time for you to figure this out for yourself!"
2) COLLABORATE: "Let's put our heads together and figure this out"
3) ADVISE: "OK listen, here's what you need to do"
from http://www.todayscoach.com/pastissues.html#coachingmyth
Myth 1: A majority of professional life and business coaches are struggling financially because they don't know how to market themselves
Myth 2: The Client has all the answers
Myth 3: A good coach can coach anyone
Myth 4: Coaching is setting goals and creating accountability
People hire a coach because they are entering some new territory in their lives (remember proficiency #14 - Enters new territories!).
The only way to counteract fear and uncertainty in the client is for the coach to CREATE CERTAINTY!
Second, the coach must be willing to explore deeply with the client the experiences, thoughts and beliefs that are at the core of the fear and uncertainty. This exploration will greatly expand the clients' awareness. In order to do this, you - the coach - must be courageous! You must be on a path which is causing you to understand your own issues and face your own darkness. It is from this courage - the willingness to "go deep" - that certainty is born.
IMPORTANT NOTE: In the game called "selling your coaching services", your level of certainty is the number one predictor of getting the sale. CERTAINTY IS WHAT POTENTIAL CLIENTS WILL PAY FOR - NOT BETTER GOALS AND ACCOUNTABILITY.
Myth 5: Coaches should not talk about emotions for fear of treading into the territory of psychotherapy
" Am I doing psychotherapy?" OR "Am I doing work that is therapeutic?"

Psychotherapy is the diagnosis and
treatment of pathology.
As a coach you must NEVER DIAGNOSE pathology or claim to be able to treat it. For example, while speaking with a client about a challenge they are facing you should never say: "You seem to be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder; I can help you with that."

Myth 6: If the client doesn't take action it means they are not "coach-able"
Quite often one of two things will happen: 1) the client will not take a necessary action or 2) The client takes LOTS of actions but not the ones that will lead to the desired result (in other words the actions are not "in concert" with the objective).
Greatness is a state of being. It is experienced when there is perfect balance between body awareness (Feeling fully), soul awareness (Sensing wholeness) and ego awareness (Acting with clarity). Interestingly, greatness is not about achieving anything in particular. Yet, when you are "being great" you naturally achieve more.
What are the benefits of living in a state of Greatness?
When you are feeling fully you can always trust and act quickly on your intuition
When you are feeling fully, you are free of judgments about yourself and others
When you are sensing wholeness, you are free from worry about the acceptance of others
When you are sensing wholeness, you never hold yourself back
When you are acting with clarity, your mind works to create solutions rather than find something to blame for the problem
When you are acting with clarity, you are open to all possibilities with no attachment to something happening "my way".
It is your job, as a coach, to a) be willing to discuss these deep feelings and b) have a variety of tools to "move the energy" so that the client is free and once again expressing his greatness! It is YOUR JOB, as the coach, to go deep, get to the core of the issue and resolve it.

"THE SERVICE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO PROVIDE IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO SELL."
- mcp it would be tough in his situation, as he's surrounded by smart, powerful people who are used to getting their way.
he had to step up and lead, while still learning and listening carefully.
I wonder if I will have the balls to do so wisely and effectively, when the time comes.
this attitude I have, that any and all can fail and I keep going.
---
would you go to another T. Harv Eker event?
probably not.
why? they seem like the Sales are more important than the Content.
Focus on the content now.
Christine is off and running with the Marketing.
now I need to focus on the content.
that is where I come in

---
" I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.
means No."
-Cap'n Barbosa, "Pirates of the Caribbean"

---
with the British, the tone of voice is so critical to the message.
but then, so many Assumptions must be made, 'cause you don't really know what's meant.
---
our target customer:
I cried all day today...my poor eyes are so puffy........Ed came home from work and said to me tonight that he would actually go to couples counseling with me....this is a start......I'll keep you all posted.
Jeanie
collect sound bites of our target, then use these in marketing pieces.
---
note to self: write my 100 Tips letter the way CB does his.

very personal and revealing, saying Hey, this is what works for me. you might try it yourself. here, I'll try to list the steps for you…
yes, it's We.
actually, it's I, and you, but mostly We.
This is what We need to do to make this work.
This is what We need to do to be Happy, and productive, and make a dif.
Make a Difference.
Get 'R Done.
" Let's Do It" Attitude.
WE are gonna make a difference.
get people together who are, or want to, make a dif.
I don't go looking for people… they will be naturally attracted to us.
What we CAN do is to "Notify" people that we're Here to Help.
We're here if you know anyone who's in Crisis, we can really help, really quickly… and probably Permanently.
I'm not saying someone's Done, or anywhere's near it… but we can probably help them thru this crisis.
We can pretty effectively take their biggest negative emotions, and relieve them to the point where people can Think again, clearly, and lovingly.
If someone:
lost a loved one, recently or not, the sadness can overwhelm you.
divorce, yours or your parent's, tons of feelings and they're ongoing… your life IS changing.
engagement, hey, want the best start you can get? Know yourselves, and know each other.
Come and take our first weekend, ND itself, which we've been offering for over 18 years now.
It will rock your world, for the better -- badder than ANYTHING on the planet (imho).
There is no vacation, no restaurant, no game, no drug, no alcohol and no party on this planet that will make you FEEL more than you will feel in a weekend with us. (seriously, it's such an amazing blast to do -- help people to the core of their being, and be helped in the same way -- damn.)(oh, and take into account that it is ME up there teaching you… not some suit giving you a fancy lecture. I get down and get dirty with you. We get out the kick-boxing bag and go at it, if that's what you need. I've had my shirt ripped off of my chest. I've been kneed in the crotch. I've been slapped, punched, kicked and called every name you can imagine, and I'm still here. We only allow 20 or so people in the class, so you WILL get your turn, and you WILL get your time, and you WILL feel more supported, and encouraged, and accepted than EVER before in your life. We are VERY good at helping people feel Loved. We make ourselves Safe and we make the room Safe. It's an awesome Skill we've mastered, and it works sooo well, both in class and at home. and at work. and in the grocery store. at the arcade. and on the soccer field. (even in the car!) it's an attitude, a belief system, a knowing and a trusting. it's a connection, to each other, like you've NEVER experienced before.)
oh, and sorry folks, but we pretty much do this with our clothes ON, at least during class.
I am a straight-forward guy (in case you haven't noticed). I am fun-loving, up-beat, positive and, I hope, motivational for you to do what must be done, to Heal and go on, being the very BEST YOU you can possibly be!
Once you truly take Personal Responsibility for your life, and how you CHOOSE to live it, that one point can make more difference in your life than anything else I know of.
THE MOST IMPORTANT Lesson to learn: PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY period.
everything else can be learned, handled, dropped, created, dimished, extended, emancipated, and every other -ed word I can think of… because once you truly are PR for yourself and your life, there is NO STOPPING you from creating the life you truly want to live. or, be really Ok with how your life does turn out.
people who need a MAJOR Attitude Adjustment.
We'll take your tired, your Grumpy, even your anal, sarcastic, angry & nasty -- Bring 'em on.
or are you more weak, teary, wimpy, scared, lost or delusional?
We'll take you both. We'll take you all on.
If you're willing, most of these are left over from what's happened to you in the past. We can help you make MAJOR breakthroughs into your psyche, and change some serious feelings you've had bottled up.
Doc, we shoulda moved the date. sorry.
CH, do you know what I'm planning on Reacting to… nothing.
nope, not a damned thing. you will have a hard time, and do already, have a hard time getting me riled up. Paula and Rachel can, but not many others.
I like how I think, I like how I act (mostly) and when I look back on my day, I can say, Yep, you kicked butt today, nice going. you did your best. It may not have been what I would have Chosen to do, given my 'druthers, but what I did, I did to the best of my ability. I'm learning and growing and that, in itself, REQUIRES my best, at all times.
The more you know, the Better your Best can be!!
Better your best.
Kick yourself in the A$$.
Discipline yourself.
Control yourself.
Get a Grip on your Temper.
Get a Clue about Loving, being strong and being Nice, all at the same time.
What how 'real men' do it (well, trying-to-be-as-Real-as-possible guys)
We have some Very successful males in our midst.
some have really powerful, aware, independent, take-no-bs-from-anyone kids.
know why?
'cause we raised those kids the way we needed to be raised… still are.
Our kids are VERY aware of themselves, their actions, their Feelings, and their Intentions.
They are alive and alert and full of life
They KNOW, without Any doubt whatsoever, that THEY ARE LOVED. totally and completely.
WHAT a cool feeling to grow up with, ey?
Is that how you felt growing up? Accepted, Loved and Appreciated as a person, Respected, Included, Celebrated, Encouraged, Up-Lifted, HUGGED and Hugged and HUGged some more. Where feelings were Encouraged, not punished. Where feelings were ok… it was A-ok to cry, we do it all the time, right in front of you because we want you to see how it can be done, and so that you will Know me, to the depths of my soul as I have always known you.
Who could expressed their feelings.
Here try this one on: "Rachel, you seem angry at me. Are you? What's up? If I'm doing something that's bothering you, let's talk about it."
Is that how your parents handled Anger in your household. mine didn't.
we encourage their feelings, and yes, that includes their Anger. Deal with it… it's YOUR problem (mostly) if you cannot handle their Anger. You know your anger, you might have to puff up a bit, you set strict Boundaries on what's ok to DO, and you ask that it be done without name calling or sarcasm… just let me know what’s bugging you. If you need to get physical, we're going to a bed, coach, pillow or chair and you can Release your pent up physical agression, too. but you also Shut Up and Listen. In fact, Listen a lot. And if there's some silence, that's ok… just feeling in each other in the room is nice, and connecting. Allow yourself to connect. Open your heart up, consciously. see where you're at. if you're up for it, open up just a little wider, on purpose. Know that you can open, and close, your heart, to whoever you wish, whenever you wish. THAT is something that no-one can control, but you.
You're sitting at the controls of your life… like a space capsule speeding through space, with you at the controls. You can direct direction, and many flaps, grooves, thingies and thangies, but still, you're at the controls. Now, as far as you know, you, and this space ship they call a Body are together, but you're alone. totally alone in the world. there are others out there… lots of others… but in reality, it's just you two.
Ok, so it's a we, not a me. ok, we're a team. Me and my Body, like 2 entities. I am the soul, inside my body, I am connected to, and in fact, control my body, but alas, I am Not my body.
so, what are our choices here?
I'm not sure I'm even a physical thing… I think I might be just a Feeling.
I feel, therefore I am.
(a stream of consciousness about consciousness) -- what a strange word, conscious.
I am, therefore I feel.
take your pick.
(I like these bulleted points)
I am having a conversation with someone. I am picturing talking to someone, but there's no picture there. maybe i am just Feeling myself talk to someone. Hello… is anyone there? ("Is there anybody IN there? Just nod if you can hear me." - quick, what group?(if I don't remember to tell you later, ask me))
anyway, I gotta get back to work, but just some thoughts to chew on.
If you're serious about changing your life, emotionally, there is NOTHING that I know of, that you can do for yourself, in one tiny weekend, to help you learn, as quickly, and completely, and lovingly as we can help do. (and don't tell me you can't afford it, 'cause you can, if you're serious. if you're not, that's ok, but don't go around thinkin' or tellin' people that you want to be the Best you can be. (just kidding.) :c )
bring it on.
pink floyd, The Wall (ha, you thought I forgot, huh?)

but what we can show them is that there IS Love in the world. That there ARE nice people around. That you can be a Good Guy, and win.
Yep, THAT's what people want to see right now.
a Good Guy, who's winning.
less teaching, and more Showing.
well, you gotta be able to SHOW them, first.
then you gotta be able to TEACH them, once you've hooked 'em.
Show, animation, movement, examples, role plays, the works.
downloadable videos.
Sell them what they Want,
Teach 'em what they Need.
---
the 4 essentials requirements of your employees. They are:
a. great pay
b. genuine appreciation
c. regular fun and
d. a pleasant physical environment
---
" rather than the routine £50 bonus for Nellie the receptionist, a sincere letter of thanks would be more appreciated."
- Chris Barrow
---
Emotionally Successful People (ESP)
do you have ESP?
Emotionally Successful Patterns
---
Shoulds
Ok, here's something I just thought of, this morning…
good guys, if they're Ours!
---

btw, I'm pleased to announce that we just had our 200th member signup as of 01:38 this morning 1.21.06, heatherburri (welcome!). Though more is not necessarily better, we love that our concepts and teachings are becoming available to more and more people, to help them improve their lives using the simple, powerful concepts that we've learning. What a wonderful, loving, supportive group we've created. Thanks all.
Keep lovin'.
Keep feelin'.
Keep learnin'.
Keep LIVIN'!
- Matt
---
1. Emotional Recognition and Expression: the ability to identify one’s own feelings and emotional states and the ability to express those feelings to others.
2. Understanding Emotions: The ability to identify and understand the emotions of others and those that manifest in response to workplace environments and interactions and experiences.
3. Emotions Direct Cognition: The extent to which emotions and emotional knowledge is incorporated in decision-making and/or problem solving
4. Emotional Management: The ability to effectively manage emotions in oneself and influence emotions in others.
5. Emotional Control: The ability to control strong emotional states at work such as anger, stress, anxiety and frustration.
http://www.eqcertification.com/genos_intro.htm
---
do a Program.
Fresno for ND
Private coaching by phone
Intimate weekend in FB
Monthly support group meetings, by phone
---
Just me, runnin' the show.
I'll have to enroll people, then.
oh, I might even have to Talk to them, on the phone.
---
just me. assistants, but just me, running the show.
yep.
I think I can create exactly the feeling I want, now.
I may not be able to Control the room, but I can still Lead the room.
to connect with folks, you gotta be able to Feel with them.
"I Feel Ya, man." that's a very popular saying, esp. with guys. (and that's a big deal. :c )

yes, I am of the same opinion, that more guys are clueless about themselves and their feelings.
plenty of girls are too, but guys are more obvious about it. duh (like me was)
---
plan it and do it.
whenever you're ready… you could start collecting money for it.
$99 to start, $27 / month. too low. Yikes, stuck here! higher would be better, but can't say I'm always

---
Day 4 - Changing your Life, by Changing your Mind
" Experts in emotional intelligence development in the EI Consortium, founded by Daniel Goleman, recommended as best practices, not doing emotional intelligence training as an event, but as a process that includes assessment, experiential learning, coaching and support."
---
Google Grabbed 46 Percent Of Search
The November 2005 figures from Nielsen//NetRatings on search share didn't change a bit from the month prior,
as nearly 70 percent of searches passed through Google or Yahoo.
---
Steps to EQ
1. Evaluation
Assessing opportunities and setting goals
2 Emotional Literacy Development
Regaining natural sensibility and learning to recognize and understand your emotions
3 Personal Responsibility
Taking ownership and claiming your full power
("not as easy as it seems, and more powerful than they imagined.")
4 Cognitive Restructing
Helping you to think differently
a. Identify how your emotions influence the way you think about yourself, others and the world
b. Identify more resourceful ways of appraising and reasoning about evens that enable more effective behavioural choices and outcomes.
5 Behavioural Restructing
Helpin you find new ways of being

Assessment Tool: Genos EI 360 multi-rater assessment
1. Emotional Self-Awareness
2. Understanding Others
3 Emotions and Decision-Making
4 Managing Emotions
5 Controlling Emotions
http://www.eq-leadership.com/Movies/PBC-ebook.mov
---
" My favorite and most helpful things I learned at ND are:
Acceptance
Release
Evaluating
Risk
Celebration
Detachment
Patience
- Drena 9.7.05
---
first there was WTF,O, then UYO, the OMG, then ND, then CV, then 2GetHelp, then TCOYF&E, then MCP.
and along the way there was...
no Matt… less Matt … confused Matt … empty Matt … door Matt … floor Matt … place Matt … launda Matt … welcome Matt … wrestling Matt … gymnastics Matt … kneeling Matt …
---
Thank you for your questions. To briefly respond, it sounds like you are describing one of the most common situations that perplexes mankind: How to create friendships, keep them and not hurt one another. It's not easy; in fact, MOST people don't know how to do this. MOST friendships end on a sour note. Why? Because we do not understand how our emotions work: how we create our feelings, what they ARE (feelings have names, like guilty, afraid, disappointed, ashamed, disconnected, powerless and worthless), and how to express them without hurting the other person. These are skills that most of us have never been taught. Rather, when we feel afraid, for example, we threaten or command the other person to try to get them the way WE want them to be. Or, we try to make them feel guilty by blaming them. There are many other examples, but what I'm trying to emphasize here is that these are all destructive ways to communicate; that's why there are so many hurt feelings in the world - we don't know how to communicate. HOWEVER, there is hope. Our website is designed to help people to understand these "techniques", to support them as they gain wisdom, and to be a support to those who also want to learn. All is not lost. Eventually, you will be able to hear the positiveness that is beneath the harsh words of even those who care about us the most. I hope to hear more from you at the website.

- JF 1.18.06
---
If you don't have a safe, loving support system for yourself, GET ONE. find one. join one. create one. or start by joining ours! We are the most loving, accepting, caring group I've ever seen... we all have our problems, but we know that the key to getting help is reaching out and connecting with others. Join us, as we go and grow!
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article directories
list of 73 top directories
google ranking
500-750 word article
action oriented resource box
pass to assistant, they post it to 73 article banks.
has her son do it.
takes 1 hour, exactly, $15
73 links pointing to your site.
search engine hits you

do it every week.
one a week for 100 weeks.
100 Articles in 100 Weeks

traffic plan.
infopreneur

BYS book coming out May 5
take a paragraph from the book and write an article around it.
free, then audio program, then book, then coaching program, the coaching

hard sell or soft sell
price point
1. How your potential clients VIEW what you're offering
investable opportunity
can they SEE that they will get a Return on your investment.

BYS 15 weeks program
Traffic School
articulate what they're Return will be (Benefits)

2 Don't make offers that are disproportionate to your level of Trust established
based on Trust

our job is to design a sales cycle that allows us to build Trust with people, over time.
no problem spending a year or two years serving them, to build the trust

Timing is a huge issue.
they need what you're offering, but only when they need it.

went from no Flash, to no header whatsoever. then no, no sound activities
they do both.
Joe Vitale
www.webtrafficschoolsystem.com

do something that people will talk about
that's Different.

make an
---
7 Steps to Healing your Feelings.
Step Description Toughness Rating Notes
----- ------------- --------------------- --------
1 Being Willing Being willing to learn, and grow 1 Easy. Just a decision
even when it's not good news. a new direction.
2 Awareness What am I feeling? 4 first few are easy,
& Identification Is that anger, or just fear? then they get more subtle as you grow.
Separate the emotions, do 1-at-a-time. trickier. gotta keep learning about them.
3 Allowance Ok, I know I gotta deal with all these feelings. 5 again, just a decision, but a tough one.
I'm ready, let's get 'r done. bring it on. we're talking about a total life change here to
where F & E's are not only a good thing, they're It!
4 Expression Here goes… let 'er rip. actually push them all out. 9 this is the toughest stage, folks.
and yep, it feels as bad as you imagined… this is where the rubber hits the road.
but once faced, you feel both Pride and Relief. this is where the real Healing is done.
once you've been there, the feelings won't scare you
(as much) anymore. You'll KNOW you can handle 'em.
Awesomely Powerful feeling when you take control
of yourself!
5 Release Let It Go! You've been pissed about that long enuf. 2-8 some people have a heckuva time here.
It's time to release the resentment, the blame, they're pissed and by god, someone's gonna pay
the hatred. Hung on to it long enuf… time to move on. or at least someone gonna hear about it. justifiable rage.
while others have a looser grasp on things and can let go
of negative events quicker and with less damage.
whichever you are, we have to let go about being 'Right'
about the past, let go of our pain and choose to move on.
6 Replacment Actually, this is one of the easiest steps, once you 3 every day, we let go of darkness and fill up with light
know how to do it. Once the rage is gone, and the every day, we choose good over evil, love over pain
tears have been shed, there becomes a Space inside every day, we get to choose. Choose wisely.
a hole, that feels Wonderful that it's empty, but it must
also be filled… if left empty, it will attract what it knows…
pain, anger, resentment, etc. Fill with BEAUTIFUL colors
light green, sky blue, sunshine yellow, whatever you wish.
but do Fill the Void with something positive and life-enhancing
7 Rejoicing! Surprisingly difficult! 5 we DO get to enjoy our lives.
It's tough to make a big deal about.. You. we DON'T have to do Shoulds, anymore.
it's against social norms to be really excited about yourself we can care and we can NOT care.
and what you're accomplishing, and how well you're doing, we can Love, give love and feel loved.
and how Happy you are. Enjoy yourself. Pamper yourself. we can Dance, and Sing, and Play
Push yourself. Get to know yourself. Love yourself! why? 'cause it FEELS Good… no other reason.
(who could possibly do a better job than YOU?!?)
http://www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com/docs/7StepsToHealingYourFeelings.pdf ha!
---
Ok, I'm going to make a run at it... starting today, Jan 17, 2006, I'm gonna do
100 Tips in 100 Days!
Find out how to feel and keep feeling.
Find out how to love and keep loving.
Find out how to be open and keep being open.
Find out how to be aware and keep being aware.
Find out how to LIVE and keep on living!
We don't learn this stuff in school, so let me share with you some of the Amazing tools we've found to help you live feel happier and be more successful.
Get one email delivered each morning, to lighten and brighten your day. Feel inspired, and see how your relationships and your life make more sense everyday.
Join us as a learn and grow TOGETHER!
- Matt
Safe sign-up at the top right box (try it, unsubscribe any time). I guarentee you will learn some things about what makes people Tick that you have Never heard of before.
builds wisdom and street smarts.
---
you can actually Take someone as Preaching at you, or condescending,
---
find out how to feel and keep feeling.<br>
find out how to love and keep loving.<br>
find out how to LIVE and keep on living!<br>
Get an email delivered each morning, to lighten and brighten and make sense of your day. (try it, unsubscribe any time.) <br>
---
could it be that some of the stuff you were yelling at me (sorta), were things you want to yell at your family??

I suggest a more regular schedule of doing Anger work.

We need to create a Feelings Gym.
You come "Work Out" with your feelings.
building your Feelings Muscles

no pain, no gain attitude.
Let's go there, just like they do when lifting weights properly.
you go for the part of the muscle that's the weakest, and you stress it and put into As much pain as you can stand,
in an effort to Make the Muscle Stronger!

Same goes with Feelings and Emotions.
They are muscles, that strengthen with age and exercise and use.
If you have wimpy Emotional Muscles, you'll be wimpy in your personal life.
snively, whiney, blaming, victim, co-dependant, addict, molester

BUT, if you find out How to Work those Emotional Muscles, so become STRONG, and Bold, and ALIVE, emotionally

You have Balls.
You can stand toe-to-toe with anyone in an argument, and usually end up Hugging afterwards.
You can Speak your Mind.
You can Love, Boldly but Wisely.
You can Feel.
You have Passion, and Joy, and Closeness, and more Love in your life.

it's an easy sell, 'cause it makes sooo much difference, permanently.

I'm writing the content for NDW now.
I'll need help with organization, but the content is coming.

LongSaleLetter format

first screen, lots of pics
showing pain to happy
collage of unhappy, and happy
---
WRITE out Success Stories!!!
---

I've seen people semi-frantically trying to prove to their mother, or father, that they ARE good enough and they're NOT stupid.

I've seen people who have harbored intense anger, resentment and even rage, for years and years and years and years.

I've seen people dying from stress, smoking, drinking, drugs, __ all emotional driven "diseases".

---
" See this tentacle? it's really shorter than all my other tentacles. but you can't tell, espeically when I spin like this. >> << >>.
" I'm H2O intollerant"
" I'm obnoxious."
- Finding Nemo

"You think you can do these things, but you just CAN'T, Nemo."
---
the question is not about the Target Market. Target markets can limit you, because we really do have a Universal message to tell. Some are local, some are to a select group, a type of ailment.. but we're about ALL Ailments. how to heal ALL nasty feelings. how to change ALL lives, from the youngest child to the oldest man alive. EVERY single person Feels, and therefore EVERY single person is our target market.
the only place that I'd limit it is here:
People who WANT to grow.
People who are SICK and tired of being Sick and Tired.
People who are not Happy Campers.
People who are Scared, a lot.
People who are Pissed off, a lot.
(wait, those last two apply to most people… but there's one thing missing… the desire to Get Over It.
the pissed off feel righteous in being that way.
the scared are, well, scared, so they don't risk much or step out there on the skinny limbs.
so, let me qualify.
---
come in every morning, open a Blog window and start writing there. b
yep.
100 Tips in 100 Days
---
... we are ahead of the curve here, ladies.
No one, anywhere, has figured out the Answers that we have... that so many are seeking.
Why are we here?
To love and feel loved.
What is my purpose?
To help ourselves, and others, feel as loved as we possibly can, while we're here.
How come I'm all over the place, emotionally?
It's ok, it's just Feelings. We'll show you how to deal with them -- so they will be your LIFE, not your death.
Why can't I reach my potential? I know I could be so much more.
Internal Beliefs and behaviours (mostly unconscious), learned as a child (mostly from watching your parents), based on Feelings (mostly unexpressed, stuck in your body and jumbled up). We can show you a better way.
What if I've been diagnosed with a psychological disorder?
so? join the club. we're all wacko in our own ways.
it's about finding out HOW we're whacko, and then figure out what we're going to DO about it.
how you're going to live with ourselves.
how to manage ourselves.
how to discipline ourselves.
how to make us into the most amazing Human around.
We can show you some simple, direct, easy to understand Life Lessons we've ever seen.
and the best part is, THEY WORK!
I'll give you an example:
There are Two (2) Kinds of Guilt:
Punishing Guilt -- when you're Trashing yourself and beating yourself up for something you did, or didn't do, usually involving someone else.
and
Productive Guilt -- when you are Learning your lesson, taking the consequences of your actions boldly and maturly, and vowing inside yourself to Learn from this experience and become a better man because of it.
Knowing that has Totally changed my life. seriously.
I was a guilt monger. punishing guilt. I've done plenty of stuff wrong, and I was just bashing myself, for years over it all.
and you know what's the worst of it... constant punishing guilt, continuous verbal bashings of yourself, by yourself, leads to MORE SCREW UPS, not less!
heck, how's the best way to beat yourself up but by doing the same, stupid, assinine behaviors Again. consciously or unconsciously, this is NOT Acceptable.
some of the stuff I did was not acceptable. ever. ever again. none, zero, nada.
so I'd better friggin' Learn my lesson and figure out how to make damned sure that these never happened again.
being clueless is no longer acceptable.
being naive doesn't cut it.
being a wimp is not ok, anymore.
This is NOT stuff you learn in school.
You are going to have to take the effort to get off your butt and go learn it.
if you're just waiting for it to Come to you, it'll come alright, but not by your choosing, and not in your time, and not with you aware and managing it all.
it'll probably come and kick you in the a$$ (if you're still reading this, you've probably been there already).
so I had to change that Punishing Guilt: trashing, discouraging, shame-based, lower-my-eyes, slump-my-shoulders, feel bad about myself, and less than, and down kinda feeling
... into ...
Productive Guilt: ok. so I screwed up. Now what? feel sorry for myself? feel bad about myself? I don't think so. I've got too much shit to do, to accomplish, to share, to feel. I want to Live my life. I don't want be a Potential, or a drag, or an ass to be around. I want to live my life to the FULLest that I can. I will learn from my mistakes. I will become a better person because of them. I will help others do the same with their mistakes.
(hey, we've all made mistakes in our past, stuff we're not proud of... I'm not alone here and neither are you... but it's just a matter of what we Do with those mistakes now, emotionally, in the present and future, that counts.)

Managing Yourself is the key.
we need to
Know ourselves.
Accept ourselves
Love ourselves
Complete ourselves
so that....
we can Love more
we can Give more
we can Help more
we can Live more!
If you ain't Givin', you ain't Livin'!
---
I'll bet different people could Quantify how much is has been worth to them to get in Touch with their Feelings.
I know for me, it has helped me substantially.
the difference between the jobs you would have gotten before learning about yourself
and the jobs you Have gotten, because you are so aware.
plus, add the value to you on the Joy, and Love, and Freedom, and Intimacy you've experienced along the way
and you've probably got a pretty nice number.
find out how to feel and keep feeling.
find out how to love and keep loving.
find out how to be open and keep being open.
find out how to be aware and keep being aware.
find out how to live and keep on living.
- Matt
---
it takes every kind of people
to make what life's about...
it takes every kind of people
to make the world go round.
...
protecting what he feels is right,
fights against wrong with his life.
there is no profit or deceipt,
honest men know that revenge does not taste sweet.
whether yellow, black or white,
each and every man's the same inside.
it takes every kind of people
to make the world go round.
Love's the only goal
that can bring a peace to any soul.
hey and every man's the same.
he wants the sunshine in his name.
it takes every kind of people
to make what life's about...
it takes every kind of people
to make the world go round.
every kind of people
to make what life's about, yeah.

' "Every kind of people", Robert Palmer posted to 2gh 1.11.06 05:14

---
part of our job, as leaders, is not only to feel More, it's to sometimes choose to feel Less!
know ourselves
less emotion, less drama
esp. when dealing with business or professional situations.
and when others are freaking out, or over-dramatising, we stay calm. and cool.
esp. cool ;-)
---
---
I've mentioned the Couples class to a few more people and they loved the idea, so I'm excited we're moving in this direction!

paula is skeptical about making ND optional.

I will send out an announcement to all via email when we're ready.
We'll need the brochure done, as a link to the online PDF, and attached.

Remind re: ND Feb 2.
Announce Couples
update on Jayne's memorial svc.
she's held a pillow for so many of you!

it worked for her, because she made it work.
if you're serious about getting better, and feeling better, you can't just come to ND once and you're done.
it ain't no magic cure. (tho, I believe it is magic-al)
It's more a way of life. Some attitudes, beliefs and skills mixed together to bring out wisdom, contentment and peace.

take a little kid's pain
add some abandonment
and abuse
and neglect
and lousy role models

and you end up with someone who's lost, hurting and down on themselves, and life.

Now add just one thing: Willingness to be uncomfortable.
an awareness that where you are is NOT where you want to Stay.
an understanding that it's "just" your feelings that are messed up, but that there is Nothing more important to solve.
a willingness to face what needs facing, and tell the people who hurt you what they did to you.

we'll help with the next part, the really hard part….
the allowing. the build-up, the realizations, the excitement, more build-up as our body wants to release what it's been hanging on to for so many years….) and it builds and it builds until finally WHAM!, you hit the Climax, the crescendo, the peak, the boiling point of it all… and POP, it goes…. away…. sometimes never to return (on that subject, at least). yes, it's that simple. The unexpressed feelings NEED to be Released, but if you don't fight it, it actually doesn't take very long.

that's how we can do 20 people in one weekend. totally in their story, and their lives, and their pain… but not for very long. Like I said, it all has to do with how much you want to fight it, and deny it, and keep stuffing it away. Happily, you have Total Control of how difficult the whole process is for you (power tip: the fastest, easiest, most effective healing comes from just Letting Go -- totally giving your body permission to feel Whatever it feels, no matter how painful or angry-ful. I've seen people heal Amazingly quickly, if they just Allow it to happen naturally and completely. fantastic process, really.)

to honor Jayne's kick-butt style, kick your own butt into gear, as she would, to face what you need to face.
deal with your past pains and angers.
they are NOT going to go away all by themselves. if they think they're not effecting your life and you've got them under control, if you're like most people, you're dreamin'. unexpressed issues must be expressed, and relieved, and released. period.

you can do it alone, but you probably won't get as deep.
and it's too darned easy to fool ourselves. We can justify the behaviour the same way we've always justified it to ourselves.
(personal note: Many of us long-timers have gotten darned good at "Self-Processing", but still… there is magic when 2 or more of us are gathered in the name of healing and good.)

we need someone to Pull our Covers.
to give us External Feedback, and direction
and lots and lots of HUGS, as we cry away our pains and sorrows from years gone by.

It ain't pretty, and it ain't fun, but it's gotta be Done!
be a man. face your fears. get a grip on yourself. learn how to understand, appreciate and Accept yourself.

learn who you are and what you want
learn how to communicate, really communicate, with people
learn how to connect with others, and feel the magic that's there.

get rid of some guilt
get rid of some rage
get rid of some fears
get rid of some pain

feel heard,
and safe,
and accepted,
and loved,
and special.

come out feeling Lighter,
and softer,
and encouraged,
and hopeful,
and free!

Join us on Feb 3.

- Matt
---
http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/1999/December/finding.htm#Anchor-49575
---
http://www.marsvenus.com/tests/blockbuster.php
How to Process Your Past
It is easy to process your past. With a little practice, you will have discovered your inner power to remove all the blocks. There are four basic steps. Step One is as follows:
Step One: Linking Feelings to Your Past
Become aware of your block and link the corresponding negative feeling to your past. Each of the twelve blocks is linked to a variety of painful circumstances.
Anxiety, the block we are dealing with here, is linked to the feeling Hopelessness. If it is difficult to link your present feelings with past feelings, use these questions:
Recall a time when you felt hopeless in some way.

Recall a time when you felt you didn't know what to do.

Recall a time when you were late.

Recall a time when someone you needed left or died.

Recall a time when you were unable to do something well.

Recall a time when you were not as good as others.

Recall a time when you couldn't make up your mind.

Recall a time when you didn't have enough information.

Recall a time when you didn't have enough help.

Recall a time when you got mixed messages.

Recall a time when you didn't know why you were punished.

Recall a time when you didn't know why you were hurt in some way.

Recall a time when you didn't know how to get out of something.

Recall a time when you were chased.

Now you should:
Go to Step Two: Write a feeling letter to express the four levels of emotions that are linked to your block.
Step Two: Write a Feeling Letter
The feeling letter format is a little different for each of the twelve blocks. By using the chart at the bottom of this page, you can determine which emotions will provide the best release and in what sequence. Using the chart, you can create the appropriate feeling letter by exploring the emotion linked to the block and then the next three emotions on the chart. Every time you write a feeling letter to remove a block it generally takes four different emotions in succession to create a complete release. Sometimes it may be necessary to skip around the feeling chart to discover your unexpressed emotions, but usually the suggested format will suffice.
For anxiety: recall a time when you felt hopeless, and then explore fear, sorrow, frustration, and disappointment.
Writing a Feeling Letter
Now that you have selected the four appropriate emotions, decide to whom you want to address your letter. Generally, when you address a feeling letter to your parents you are able to release the deepest feelings. Even if you did not know a parent, you have a relationship with your mother or father in your mind and heart. You can always imagine talking to them. You may also choose to write a feeling letter to anyone who has bothered you or to anyone to whom you feel a connection and whose support you would like.
After selecting the appropriate feeling and emotions for a block, use the lead-in phrases to assist you in expressing them. At the end of your letters, express what you want. For each of the levels, write for at least two minutes. In this way, after ten to fifteen minutes, you will have completed the letter.
The feeling letter is for your own healing. It is not necessary to send it to someone.Sharing your feelings from a more resolved and loving perspective when you believe your feelings will be heard is always a good idea.
Dear
I feel hopeless when
I am afraid that
I am sorry that
I am frustrated that
I am disappointed that
I want
love

Step One: Linking Feelings to Your Past
Become aware of your block and link the corresponding negative feeling to your past. Each of the twelve blocks is linked to a variety of painful circumstances.
Guilt, the block we are dealing with here, is linked to the feeling Unworthiness. If it is difficult to link your present feelings with past feelings, use these questions:
Recall a time when you felt unworthy in some way.

Recall a time when you were misbehaving.

Recall a time when you were not helpful.

Recall a time when you were not what others thought about you.

Recall a time when you were not good enough in some way.

Recall a time when you let others down.

Recall a time when your body was not big enough or was too big.

Recall a time when you realized something about your body was flawed or imperfect.

Recall a time when something happened that had to be kept secret.

Recall a time when you couldn't talk about something.

Recall a time when you couldn't tell your mother.

Recall a time when you couldn't tell your father.

Recall a time when you couldn't stop something.

Recall a time when you didn't measure up to someone's expectations.

Recall a time when you couldn't tell the truth.

Recall a time when you were inappropriate.

Recall a time when you made a mistake.

Recall a time when you upset somone.

Recall a time when you felt you had more than others.

Recall a time when you kept someone waiting.

Recall a time when you felt different.

Now you should:
Go to Step Two: Write a feeling letter to express the four levels of emotions that are linked to your block.
Dear

I feel unworthy when

I am ashamed that

I am angry that

I am sad that

I am afraid that

I want

love

---
Before you call it Quits, give us a try -- we think you'll be amazed at how much healing we can help you accomplish in just one weekend.
---
Our approach is a straight-forward, feelings-based approach.
Matt, Paula and Doc have created a very natural, direct, feelings-based approach to dealing with past issues, ongoing pains and recurring behaviours.
They combine Cognitive (thoughts) / Affective (feelings) / Behavioural (actions). Doc says that at the base of it all, are the Feelings (where most people don't want to go.) so that's where we focus. Take home points:
Feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing.
If you know what you feel, you'll know who you are, and what you want.
Feelings expressed verbally will reduce in intensity and are free to change. (translation: feel it, and it will pass. ignore it, and it will linger)
You can turn your anger to love, your sadness to joy and your depression into Personal Power!
---
Depression, the block we are dealing with here, is linked to the feeling Abandonment. If it is difficult to link your present feelings with past feelings, use these questions:
Recall a time when you felt ababdoned in some way.

Recall a time when you were left behind.

Recall a time when you were unhappy.

Recall a time when you were left alone.

Recall a time when you were lost.

Recall a time when you were rejected.

Recall a time when you were left out.

Recall a time when you were not picked.

Recall a time when you were not missed.

Recall a time when you were forgotten.

Recall a time when someone was late.

Recall a time when someone left.

Recall a time when someone else got all the attention.

Recall a time when you were less popular.

Recall a time when someone disappointed you.

Recall a time when you experienced failure or defeat.

Now you should:
Go to Step Two: Write a feeling letter to express the four levels of emotions that are linked to your block.
Dear

I feel abandoned when

I am sad that

I am afraid that

I am sorry that

I am frustrated that

I want

love

etc. 12 blocks in all
Anxiety, Blame, Confusion, Depression, Guilt, Indecision, Indifference, Judgment, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Resentment, Self-pity

---
thought: some day soon, when we are making over $2k per class, I want lunch to be catered, or at least, we buy (like a mega-Subway)
---
read this… draws a nice picture of their day-long class.
http://www.marriageprep101.com/listofservices.html
Their get-tough motto? Love isn't enough. They coach new couples to frankly talk with each other about their expectations for money, sex, kids, work, religion, and infidelity — what they call marriage planning,
… and "To celebrate their status as Mr. and Mrs. (or Mr. and Mr. or Mrs. and Mrs.), you can do better for your newly betrothed friends than a nonstick bundt pan send them to relationship boot camp."
" We suggest you take an online relationship questionnaire called RELATE that will generate information of your values, expectations, personality and family of origin experiences as well as communication and conflict resolution styles."
---
story re: RELATE: http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/1999/December/finding.htm
David Mace once remarked, "Marriage is the deepest and potentially the most gratifying of all human relationships, but it is also one of the most demanding. Unfortunately couples seldom have more preparation than a little advice from their parents and a new set of china."
http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/case_for_marriage_prep.aspx
With the risk for divorce in the United States hovering around 40-50%, it's startling that so few people take marriage preparation seriously. One study showed that only 30% participated in even one to two hours of marriage preparation. A 1997 U.S. national survey showed that only 36 percent of couples married in the previous five years had premarital counseling through their religious organization. Recent studies of college young adults show that more than 90 percent say they believe marriage preparation is important but only 35% intend to formally prepare.
The top ten problem areas researchers have identified are:
Balancing job and family
Frequency of sexual relations
Debt brought into marriage
Husband's employment
Finances
Expectations about household tasks
Constant bickering
Communication with spouse
Problems with parents or in-laws
Lack of time spent together

Relationship Questionnaires
The RELATionship Evaluation (RELATE) Questionnaire covers every major predictor of marital quality. It provides an illustrated report covering more than 60 aspects of the relationship. http://www.relate-institute.org. It can be completed within about one hour.
FOCCUS asks 189 questions, then produces a couple profile. It is available in four editions: General, Christian Non-Denominational, Catholic, and Alternate (for learning impaired). http://www.foccusinc.com
PREPARE requires that couples locate a counselor in their area trained in this program. The counselor administers the 195-question test and provides three to six counseling sessions based on the test results. http://www.lifeinnovations.com
---
http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/marriage_enrichment.aspx? (LDS-based)
"Those who advocate self-help alone, however, should know that research tells us many marriage enrichment programs show benefits greater than self-help approaches. The most effective programs tend to be highly structured, meaning they focus on teaching specific skills, including communication, problem solving, adaptability, and conflict resolution. They also teach the importance of commitment, love, forgiveness, and friendship."
see list of other Marriage Enrichment programs
get listed on: http://www.smartmarriages.com, at http://www.smartmarriages.com/directorylisting.html
$50 - 100 word listing (100 wrds must include header and contact info)
$200 - 100 word listing plus the Schedule/Posting option
hundreds of listings at: http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory_browse.html
John Gray's site. with message boards, coaching and workshop at his ranch in Mendocino, CA!
http://www.marsvenus.com/
new dating service (beta): http://www.marsvenusdating.com/index.php
newsletter signup: http://www.marsvenus.com/newsletter.php
white listing the newsletter: http://www.marsvenus.com/one-more-thing.php
Coaching: For expert love advice from our experienced and professionally trained coaches, call now! 1-888-627-7836
Block Buster success test: http://www.marsvenus.com/tests/blockbuster.php
---
RELATE Questionnaire: https://www.relate-institute.org/Faq.aspx
The RELATE questionnaire is $10 per person, $20 per couple.
The READY questionnaire is $10 per person.
You can purchase "tokens" to take the assessment online via the Institute's secure server. All major credit cards accepted.
Your token will allow you to register with a username and password, valid until you have completed your assessment and received your report.
Price includes the complete questionnaire, a full-color report you can download and print from your printer, and technical support during your assessment. For questions regarding your questionnaire, contact us at (801) 422-4359 or via e-mail at relate@byu.edu
sample report: https://www.relate-institute.org/media/SampleRELATE.pdf
READY (pre-marriage): https://www.relate-institute.org/media/SampleREADY.pdf
Emotional Readiness scale
Family Background scale
Effective Communication scale
Conflict Resolution scale
Problem Areas scale
Religiosity / Spirituality scale

conclusion: Challenges Checklist

RELATE works for:
People in serious dating relationships struggling with the decision to commit or break up
Engaged couples preparing for a lasting marriage
Newlyweds setting goals and learning to compromise
Married couples seeking to improve their relationship and understand their conflicts

professionals: fax Doc's license to: (801) 422-0225
2gethelp / 2gethelp created 1.9.06

spoke to rep on phone 1.10.06
$10, or for $5, 50% discount
RELATE
we purchase tokens
they take the test, then put in the code, rather then paying
281 questions
45 minutes, or an hour and a half per couple
results: about 30 seconds
will be saved at their place
accessible later on their server, print-able anytime
Couples, link
single, before connection Only
then, at end, combines
READY - 11 pages
RELATE for couples - 13 pages
detailed, 3 parts
summary only, 7 pages, w/graphs
5 pages of more resources (optional)

801-422-4359
Fax license to 801-422-0225
BYU Outreach, made by professors on campus
mailto:relate@byu.edu
2-3,000/mo. take it!

---
more thoughts
With the feeling approach:
Heal old Wounds
Set and Agree to new Boundaries and Rules that work for both of you.

Have an affair in your past that you're trying to Heal and Forgive?
Are money issues causing distance and arguments?
Can't seem to get your Sex lives flowing nicely together?
One of you wants kids and the other doesn't… what do you do?
Trust issues.
Intimacy issues.
Co-dependency issues.
Addiction issues.

we don't just help you resolve a few of your biggest Issues,
we show you How to Deal with Issues, when they come up (and they sure do).

Communication skills
Listening skills
Empathy skills
Personal Responsibility skills
Honest, Dependability
Openness and Closeness

Release your backed-up Anger and Rage.
Face your Fears and BEAT THEM!
Release some of your sadness and guilt and pain.

Claim your Personal Power!
Learn to love, and Love BIG(!), but wisely, with eyes wide open.
Find your inner Wisdom.
Learn to Like, Love and trust the most important person in the world -- YOU!

Begin to Accept, and Acknowledge your past, your roots, your upbringing
so you can face it, tackle it, beat it and defeat it.

there is no power stronger than that.

There becomes NOTHING that you can't handle.
There is no deamon you won't face.
There is no obstacle too high. (you may choose not to do what it costs to achieve a certain goal, but you Will go into it knowing.)

(fizzles out… goes back to 'real' work grrr…)
---
I have almost no income at this moment, computer wise.
CDF is it., oh and $2k from ETRade over the next month.
we can't pay Dec's Beneficial bill and have nothing for Jan.
what am I going to do about it? not we, I.
that's where I get stuck.

if I'm unhappy about something, then I'm mean, and outta line. period.
it's a wonderful tool to avoid being called on their own sh~~.

I have some work I could do, and 1 I have to do that E^TRAVEL enhancement.

but I gotta do the website work, too.
it's working on EucProducts.com $230 in income over last 2 weeks. not totally passive, as I spent time corresponding with most.
but have possibility for 2 monthly packs.

---
Relationships to yourself and others. Heal and feel at these emotional awareness, break-through workshops in California USA. Weekend experiential seminars will teach you, show you and help you feel better, permanently.

(optional ending)
You don't have to live in pain anymore -- Join us as we heal, together…
--
the heck with it… just send 'em right to the Testimonials page!
---
How about this:

"Feeling and Healing your Relationships"
or
"Feeling and Healing in Relationships"

"I want to feel closer! Feeling and healing in relationships."

"Heal your relationships: it's the key to Happiness."

ok, so let's say we focus on relationships.
---
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How to create your own killer resource box

---
GoDaddy shopping cart, $9.95/mo.
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Application-fee** $89.00

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---
Healing and Feeling your Relationships 12.31.05
If you aren't in touch with your Feelings and Emotions, you are NOT managing yourself or your life as best you can! To heal our past, and to feel real intimacy in our relationships, we must go inside -- deep inside -- to the depths of our being. Past the pain, sadness, guilt, anger and depression to that place where Love, Joy, Serenity, Passion, Sex and Fun all live. Click in, read on. Love more, cry less, LIVE FREE > > >

---
If you're not in touch with your F&E's, you are only feeling part of your life!

If you only allow 50% of your emotions, you'll only feel 50% of your Life!

maybe that's a good idea.
maybe, when there is so much pain from the past, or current,
it's better to Feel less. To Care less. To Cry less.

maybe it's about being able to Manage our feelings, for real.
care less about this, and more about this.
Prioritizing = Levels of Caring

You can't cut off one feeling without cutting them all off.

You can only feel HAPPY, as much as you are willing to FEEL.
You can only feel your Love, as much as you are willing to feel your Anger.
You can only feel your Joy, as much as you are willing to feel your Sadness.
You can only feel your Peace, as much as you are willing to feel your Fear.

It's a package deal.
you can't have one without the other.

---
Don't Give a Shit 101
Loving
Loving Yourself
Loving Others
Anger
Anger in Relationships
Anger at Yourself
Anger at God
Anger at the whole World
Sadness
Sadness from Death
Sadness from Divorce
Guilt
Guilt that Helps
Guilt that Kills
Shame
Shame, where it comes from
Shame, how to get rid of it
NLP
Right-brained Feelings
Pictures, how to Change 'em in your head
Boundaries
Boundaries in Relationships
Boundaries for Yourself
Intimacy
Intimacy with a Spouse
Intimacy with Friends
Intimacy with your Kids
Intimacy with your Parents
Intimacy with your Siblings
Opening your Heart (aka Give a Shit)
Opening your Heart to Yourself
Opening your Heart to Others
Closing your Heart (aka Don't Give a Shit… actually, how to fall out of love, when in pain, when someone is creaming you, emotionally)
Closing your Heart to someone who left you
Closing your Heart to someone who you left
Closing your Heart to someone who had an affair on you
Closing your Heart to someone who you hit you
…
Situational